Saturday, 14 March 2015

It's over! Maybe...

I'm knocking on wood furiously as I type this, but it appears that winter may be over in Saskatoon.  I'll be the first to admit that the 14 day forecast is generally bullshit so I'll keep my excitement contained. Plus I know that winter was pretty outrageous for other areas of the country and that people living in those parts, including members of my family, are still getting things under control.  I took advantage of the warm temperature and ran by the river yesterday for the first time in six months and it was great.  Wet and muddy, but nothing beats fresh air and trees and animals.  (Did I mention the rabbits here are bloody huge?  My god, I saw one behind the hospital yesterday and mistook it for a small dog.  Before I moved here someone warned me that the road kill is different in the Prairies...I totally get it.)  I'm sore today, which demonstrates just how much work the treadmill does for a runner, but my battery is recharged.  Just a few days of warmth goes a long way, though I realize that winter may come back for one last blast before it's gone for good.

After a couple months of subversive cross stitch, I've had my fill for now.  Sassy sayings and I are by no means over, but I want a new challenge.  I had a dream this week that I had crocheted a thing.  I couldn't quite tell what it was, but it was definitely crochet.  I took this as a push in a particular direction, so yesterday I picked up a learn to crochet kit and a couple of skeins of yarn.  I'm told that this craft is not rocket science, but I've never found it easy to weave yarn into something and have it look pretty.  I should probably take a lesson from the book "Make It Mighty Ugly" and just get comfortable with the fact that whatever I make will probably not look like the photo in the guidebook.  YouTube is definitely going to save me on this venture as well, because I'm already cross eyed from looking at the diagrams in the instructions.  Stay tuned for pictures of deformed granny squares and abstract pot holders.

In related news: my Mighty Ugly Workshop at the library takes place in about a month.  Should be enlightening, I hope people come out for it.  If you'd like to fly in for the weekend to attend, let me know.  ;)

An update on Cameron now, as I know he has many loving fans across the country.  He's looking pretty rough: losing weight, his fur is less shiny, and that lump on the side of his face is a bit bigger.  He is in good spirits, however, complete with a keen radar for treats.  He thinks that any bag in the kitchen is a treat bag and will demand his fair share (and then some).  He appreciates wet food as often as he can get it, too.  I took a couple of extra days off this week and we had lots of cuddles, which suits both of us just fine.  Cameron isn't quite over either.

Sunday, 1 March 2015

It's not you, it's me. Really.

Ever had one of those weeks when the universe kept smacking you across the head with something?  I had one of those.  Confession time!

I went to BodyTalk just over a week ago (Google it if you want to know what it is...I can't explain it, but will tell you that I'm quite certain that it saved my life), and the topics of self-expression and speaking one's truth came up.  Since my appointment, the concept of the Highly Sensitive Person (you can Google that too) kept coming at me from different directions.  I've known for a while that I fit into that box, but I keep trying to pretend that I don't.  In a nutshell, I get overwhelmed by too much sensory input.  I can't handle crowds, too much noise, strong scents, violent TV/movies, and a whole bunch of other stuff.  I feel what other people feel, picking up uncomfortable emotions easily.  I often end up in bed with the duvet pulled over my head to recover from too much of everything. This week, however, was a wake-up call for being comfortable with who I am.  I almost lost it at the Y on Tuesday night because the cardio room was packed full of people; just being close to a whack of strangers freaked me out.  Then my headphones broke and I had to replace them immediately because listening to music (and blocking out everything else around me) is the only way I can cope with being on public transit and going to the grocery store.  Finally, I went to the symphony last night with a few people from work and essentially lost the ability to function.  The concert wasn't sold out, but I was so thrown off by being in a crowd that I could hardly speak and I adopted my favourite coping mechanism of staring off into space like a bunny caught in the headlights.  Worse yet, the conductor was schmoozing after the concert and approached our group.  Everyone else talked to him in a graceful manner; I mumbled something about it being nice while trying to quell the urge to run out the door. *face palm*  I went home, banged my head against the wall a couple of times,  berated myself for being ridiculously awkward, and went to bed.  (Feeling marginally better this morning.)  All this makes me think that it's time to stop thinking that I'll outgrow all of this.  I turn 39 next week, if I haven't left it behind by now I don't think I ever will.  Time to embrace the sensitivity and see it as a gift rather than an ailment that needs to be cured.

I think my biggest concern with this HSP thing is worrying that I'll offend people.  So here's my disclaimer: if you ask me to go out somewhere or do something and I say no, please don't take it personally.  It just means that I know I can't handle it and would rather stay away from the situation rather than risk losing my shit in front of the whole world.  What's going on inside me is not necessarily reflected on the outside.  It's not you, it's me.  :)